ALL FOOLS’ DAY: Harvard reloads with a good friend of ours

Longtime Harvard basketball booster Thomas Stemberg on Wednesday announced the appointment of the boosters’ latest Director of Communications.

“I am delighted to report what I consider a recruiting coup on a par with the Keith Wright hocus pocus of several years ago. IHO’s Ancient Quaker has signed a contract in perpetuity with our club.’

The AQ recently resigned his position as Chairman Emeritus of the End the Nightmare Society in the City of Brotherly Love, a move most observers expected after the nightmare ended.

“While my work in Philadelphia is over, I leave with a heavy heart,” the AQ said in a statement. “After all, with Steve Donahue in The Palestra can another nightmare be far away? I look forward to working with Tom and Tommy in the future. I will concentrate in two areas:  One, getting rid of the Academic Index, which should be a no-brainer since we don’t pay any attention to it anyway, and two, hitting up some of our “fans” for The Amaker Fund. Our goal this year: Get Tommy the first membership at The Country Club ever offered to a basketball coach.”

When asked if it was true that Steve Bilsky had sought the position, Stemberg gave a terse, “No comment,” and left the podium.

1 thought on “ALL FOOLS’ DAY: Harvard reloads with a good friend of ours

  1. Yes, this is true indeed.

    I now confess I signed the secret deal with Tommy on his yacht while moored off Jean-les Pines in the South of France. We was just chillin’ with Jay -Z and Ditty when i got a little looped on a bottle of Ciroc Ultra Premium that Ditty kept shoving in my face. It was hot and I was confused. All i remember after that was Tommy leans over and says, “Q, why you hangin’ those losers? Don’t you know they suck?

    “Pride I guess,” I answered.

    Then Z looks at me and says, “Fuck Pride”

    He had a point.

    Let’s face it, I ‘ve always been a winner, and now that Penn is in the shitter, I can be easily bought.

    Then before I knew it, I was rappin’ 10,000 Men of Harvard. The rest, I suppose, is history. So next year it’s

    “Stay Crimson my friends”

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