April Fools: Ivy League announces new tournament format for president searches

The Ivy League decided to lead and not follow any other conferences whatsoever Friday, announcing a new tournament format for university president searches in which all eight Ivies must narrow down their searches to a single top candidate after offering at least eight weeks of public input at university forums, and then go back to the top four candidates in their search and pit them against each other in one-on-one basketball games at the Palestra (No. 1 vs. No. 4, No. 2 vs. No. 3), in an attempt to convey that the schools don’t always want the best choice in their search. If there is a tie for the No. 4 slot, Amy Gutmann will flip a coin, put it back in her pocket without showing anyone, and ask the tied candidates why they can’t reach a compromise per her 2012 book The Spirit of Compromise: Why Governing Demands It and Campaigning Undermines It, which Ted Cruz and Donald Trump promised to read after their H-O-R-S-E game for the GOP nomination.

Ivy League officials noted that the No. 1 candidate would still be considered the university president but just wouldn’t be able to do anything in that role.

The policy will be added as an amendment in the Process for Recommending Presidential Appointment in each state with an Ivy school. The names and resumes of the top four candidates in any future search will be forwarded to the Office of the Chancellor for each respective State System of Higher Education and to each State System’s Board of Governors, where each will laud the top candidate before admitting they don’t really care whether that candidate or the fourth-best candidate gets the job.

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