April Fools: John Legend pens “One Whining Moment” for 2018 Ivy League Tournament

“One whining moment, it’s all up to you…”

With preliminary talks among Ivy League officials revealing that the Palestra is likely to host the conference tournament again next season, the league commissioned Penn ‘99 alum John Legend to compose a totally original song called “One Whining Moment” to encourage more Princeton fans to attend the tourney next year out of disappointment that more fans didn’t attend the inaugural tilt last month.

Here are the official lyrics to “One Whining Moment”:

The ball is tipped
and there you are
you’re screaming for your life
you’re an armchair star
the tourney’s here
this is the first
and as for venues
that looks like the worst

ONE WHINING MOMENT, IT’S ALL UP TO YOU
ONE WHINING MOMENT, WHO’S RIPPING OFF WHO?

But time is short
and the road is long
an hour’s drive from Princeton
and your patience’s gone
And when it’s done
win or lose
you got screwed
cuz inside you knew …

ONE WHINING MOMENT, THE PALESTRA’S SO FAR
ONE WHINING MOMENT, WHY START UP THE CAR?

Feel the clench of your fist
feel the egg on your face
when Princeton won anyway
No Caruso, no Brase

And now you see
why complain?
the venue was the best
and it’s just a game

ONE WHINING MOMENT, YOU LET IT SLIP BY
ONE WHINING MOMENT, YOU WEREN’T WILLING TO TRY
ONE WHINING MOMENT, FORFEITED YOUR VIEW
SO MANY SEATS EMPTY, THE PROBLEM IS YOU

Harris said she is not concerned about offending or alienating Princeton fans by commissioning a Penn alum to write such a patronizing piece for the conference tournament.

“I’m not worried about the league appearing as if it’s biased in favor of Penn,” Harris said. “No one would ever think that. I’m just glad we’re instituting something original here.”

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